getting picked up on the freeway

One of my BFFs since freshman year of college came out to visit and celebrate one of her heading toward 30 birthdays. We had the best time ever. The weather was gorgeaus (which she was most appreciative of since she'd ventured from the near arctic cold). We hit every major tourist to-do in the LA area. We went out every night. It was pure exhaustion after four days of this but totally worth it. Which was what I wanted to give her for this birthday she wasn't entirely looking forward to having.

I think, though, the best present she got occurred during a tour of LA rush hour traffic. Since the normally half hour trip took over 2 hours it gave everyone plenty of time to scope out their neighbors. And in this process we were hit on by no less than 8(I didn't actually count but that sounds like a good estimate) males under the age of 21 (or else looking real good for their age). A car full of definite teenagers even offered us tickets to some concert thing that night. Thirty's not looking so bad all of a sudden!

the man who lives on our bench

If there is an actual concept of hell I'm probably going to it. For many reasons. Amongst them assuming someone is homeless without any proof. Case in point, I came home after being away for much of a weekend to find a random stranger sitting on one of the benches on my apartment building's front porch. He looked... well, disheveled to say the least. Definitely hadn't showered in awhile. And dazed and confused is an accurate description of his mentality at that moment. Upon seeing him I jumped back startled as it was early in the morning on a Sunday and I had never seen this man before. When he saw me he said, "Are any of the guys who live here home? I have a pack of cigarettes." A number of thoughts ran through my mind: Is he friends with my neighbors, have they given him cigarettes before, and dude, it's 8 o'clock in the morning so even if they do know you they probably aren't wanting to be awake to share a cigarette yet! All I said, though, was, "I don't think so," and went inside to lock my door. He continued to sit on our bench looking dazed and confused. Then, a couple days later I was inside my apartment already when he opened our entrance and made his way to sit down on our bench again. And so I still think he's homeless but is trying to be our new occupant that doesn't pay rent.

weddings

I went to a wedding this weekend. In a professional baseball stadium. Not sure which is cooler. On one hand I really enjoy weddings for the hope they represent. On the other hand I really love baseball stadiums. I suppose for the same reason. I hadn't been to a wedding in years (despite having a large family and number of friends few seem to be tying the knot) so it made me think a little. About people. And weddings. And marriage. And how sometimes even though those things are supposed to go hand in hand that's not always the case.

I didn't know until I went to college that a lot of little girls had their weddings planned out by their late teens (the lessons of college that really stick were rarely learned in class). Well before they should be thinking about marriage. Well before there's a groom (in most cases). I had roommates who'd religiously watch a show on TV called The Wedding Story. I'll admit I got roped into viewing it a couple of times and it was cute but not cute enough that I would give up watching SportsCenter for the fifth time in one day (Probably the reason my roommates blocked all the sports channel on our TV my senior year.)

I mean it's good to know what you want but shouldn't the wedding part be secondary anyway? (As a sidenote this isn't directed at any of those roommates since I know the actual marriage is more of a priority for them than the wedding.) I mean, I can see why people would want a wedding. I'm down for any kind of party (particularly one with an open bar) so I could easily hop on that train; however, that, the proposal, the honeymoon, all that should be the icing on the cake compared to marrying your best friend, lover, and hopefully soulmate.

I've always been kind of on the fence about marriage (or at least since I realized I was old enough to do such a thing). My parents weren't legally married until I was in high school. I mostly see it as a manmade institution designed to preserve a religious tradition that was likely introduced to restrict women (I don't actually know if this is the case but it seems that in most countries marriage does restrict women.). I think if you're with the right person who has the same beliefs, morals, and values as you and you both decide you want to spend the rest of your life together you don't necessarily need a religious or legal document to prove that. Corny as it sounds the love in your hearts should be enough. 'Course I do really like cake...

That being said what I seriously like about marriage is the public declaration of your love and devotion to one another and the enlistment of your other loved ones in supporting that. One person can never be another person's all. And so having a solid support system around you who believe in what you believe in can only make a union stronger. Not to mention the added tax benefits!

Therefore, it makes me sad to see people who seem to be getting married solely for the wedding or because they think that's what they should be doing at that point in their lives or their relationships. The ones whose first words out of their mouths are, "Check out this ring," rather than, "I can't wait to vow to spend the rest of my life with this person." I don't know if I've ever actually seen this in real life but I've heard and read about it and even at happy weddings (not that I've ever been to a sad one) I can't help but think, "Are they doing this because they truly want to spend the rest of their lives together or because of societal pressures?"

There's an amazingly awful show called Bridezillas on some channel on cable that I've witnessed a couple times. And it was like a bad train wreck. The brides were so horrible I had to keep watching because it was so unbelievable. These are certainly the extreme example but there are certainly a lot more hidden ones out there (and probably groomzillas as well but showing that would demolish the gender steretypes a lot of TV has worked so hard at preserving). I suppose it's good to have that contrast, though as it's a reminder to me that if I choose to get married that it will only be if I have thoughts along the lines of, "I can't wait to wake up next to this person every morning even with all their stanky breath" rather than, "If it rains on my wedding day it's all going to be ruined!" 'Course if I get married my first plan will be to have the wedding somewhere it never really rains. Like my backyard.

indivduals i want to be friends with

As a follow up to famous people who creep me out I also have a list of those famous people I think would love to have me as their friend:

Justin Timberlake: While most gals probably want to do him I simply want to be his friend. Certainly he's cute. And he has curly hair. Is fit. The dude can sing, rap, dance, collaborates with Timbaland and other hip hop genuises on a regular basis. He's freaking funny as hell (I give him credit for reviving SNL.). And seems totally down to earth. I can see why he's popular with the ladies but think it'll work out better for us if we just remain friends.

Tina Fey: Now this is someone I do have a crush on. But not being a lesbian would have to keep platonic as well. She's cute, funny, a great writer, and seems like she's be super fun to hang with in real life. And a legit role model for females (and males). I've had this fantasy of writing and appearing on SNL since the age of 10 and this is one woman who's done it. I'm often told I look like Amy Poehler (oh, I want to be friends with her too) so maybe it would be easy to sneak one past her...

Chad Ochocinco: This might seem like a surprise pick since many people think he's an egotistical maniac. Egotistical maniacs are probably some of my least favorite people. However, I don't think this title applies to Mr. Ochocinco. I think he's just a childlike guy who is trying to have a bit of fun in his life and not take his job too seriously and the uptight peeps of the NFL (and rest of the world) are trying to hold the man down. I think we'd have a lot of fun together and we could all learn a lesson from him.

st. patrick's day

We've established that I love holidays and celebrations of all kinds but yesterday (aka March 17th) I was the St. Patrick's grinch. The thought of carousing about with green beer in hand, consuming it along with shots of whiskey and Irish car bombs (okay, that's something I never participate in), made me want to curl up on the couch in sweatpants and a mindnumbing chick flick. Maybe some popcorn too. Okay, for sure some popcorn too.

I was partied out. It's been nonstop birthdays since 2001 and with more birthdays, weddings, out of town guests and a large music festival looming in the near future donning green and dancing a jig on a Wednesday evening was almost as appealing as a trip to the dentist (hard core exaggeration since I hate the dentist). Plus I made the mistake of partaking in Taco Tuesday the night before. I was tired. And still am since I manned up and went for it. My pep talk went something like this, "Manda, you wussed out last year and lasted maybe 20 minutes at a bar (in my defense I had just returned from a very strange weekend in Vegas). St. Paddy's Day only happens once a year. Everyone else is doing it. You can get all the sleep you need when you're dead." Okay, convinced but still tired I did it. I didn't consume much beer (and none of it was green) but I did witness Mexicans making Irish music and a pseudo moshpit with some fun folks so I know once I catch up on sleep it'll be worth it.

Being out sober caused me to reflect upon the types of people who really get into this holiday because there are distinct groups. The first group consists of the peeps like me who just love to celebrate anything. They'll pretend to be Irish on March 17th, Mexican on May 5th, a zombie on Oct. 31st. Although I own up to my mutt heritage (which includes none of the above groups).

The next group consists of former frat guys. That by itself isn't a problem. I've dated a number of former frat guys post college graduation and it went all right. The problem is with those who've graduated and still think they're in the frat. I realize that it's seen as some kind of lifelong bond but I always thought that was more in theory than actual behavior. An offshoot of this group are the current frat boys. I find their behavior slightly more excuseable cuz hey, they're still in college and grown upness is at least a year away. And actually alone most of these guys are fine. But in large groups all of the cavemen behavior that can exist exists. While this behavior can often be encountered any night of the week it's amped up on St. Patrick's Day. And really another offshoot of this group are large gatherings of college males (and really females too) in general. Perhaps not those majoring in gender studies of some sort.

The last group consists of legit alcoholics. The rest of us might be partiers but we still maintain some sense (I might be in denial. That's the first step, right?). This group takes it to a whole other level of not being able to speak in a coherent sentence by noon (you don't fit into this group if you're still in college). They're the ones who are in their fifties and stumbling around spilling beer on you while trying to regal you with stories of St. Paddy's Day celebrations back in the '30s. They often get the rowdiest and are potential injury concerns so I'd advise you to steer clear if they're swaying too much.

St. Patrick's Day is certainly good people watching if nothing else. And so I advise myself next year not to go to Vegas the weekend before, don't drink for at least a week prior, and get plenty of rest and hydration so as to be entirely prepared. And I advise St. Patrick to move the holiday to a fixed Saturday in the month of March so I don't have to worry about working the next morning.

online dating

I'm not currently online dating nor will I ever do it again. But I'm not ashamed to admit I've tried it. Mostly because I believe in the ol' don't knock it 'til you've tried it adage. But partly because I thought, why not see how else I can meet guys aside from the assistance of a shot glass and bartenders or running down the street (story for another time). It was this short lived experience that I've realized online dating is not the way to go. At least for me. And I don't think for most others either. No matter how many times Eharmony claims they have a great marriage success rate. Well, you combine enough desparate twosomes a decent amount will probably get married.

Okay, so maybe it isn't fair to classify all online daters as being desparate since I certainly wasn't desparate when I tried it (that's what I keep telling myself) but there are definite distinctine groups of men on these sites (or at least the one I ventured onto). The largest batch of guys I nicknamed the "no way in hell" guys. Obviously they weren't anyone I would have even considered dating and if they’d read my profile with the slightest bit of common sense they'd have realized that and never messaged me. In their defense, I recognize there might be a small amount of egocentrism on my part. They could have genuinely thought I’d be interested in them. But I wasn't. So those are the guys I didn't respond to. At first I felt bad because I thought, if they have enough courage to message me at all they deserve some kind of response. But after getting an obnoxiously large number of these I realized I didn't have time for all that (I had a real man to find on that site after all!). The reasons they weren't guys I would date were as varied as the guys themselves. Some I would have never been physically attracted to even with Will Farrell’s personality. Some had opening lines and/or profile descriptions that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to come up with even if it was my intention to turn off every single person in the world. My favorites were (and yes, I wrote them down; they were that good): “I have less than nine percent body fat,” (Is that 8.2 or 8.76 percent then? And does anyone really care the exact body fat percentage of anyone?) and, “You aren't dreaming. I AM real. I know what you are saying. "He's perfect. It's too good to be true." (I'm hoping he meant that as a joke but I’m still counting it). Then there were the guys who despite my insistence that I am not on there for an intimate encounter, still thought I would bone them immediately (And none of these guys resembled Brad Pitt in case you were wondering.). And last, there were the dudes who posted all these shirtless, muscle pictures. Like the Shania Twain song, that don’t impress me much.

That summarizes the guys who I didn't respond to. Next come the guys who seemed cool at first. They're at least fairly attractive, appear to be normal, there's nothing necessarily jumping off the page but maybe they aren't very adept at advertising themselves. Fair enough. I still gave them a shot. Then, as soon as I'd agree to a date and gave out my number they'd text me like it was their job. One dude I agreed to go out with on a Friday called me and he seemed nice enough at first but then he made several comments during the conversation involving how he thought our first date should include a hot tub in his apartment complex. I said, how bout we meet somewhere for dinner not at your apartment since I don't even know you (word for word)? And then there was the one who mentioned an ex-girlfriend and a couple girls he'd met on the website, which are topics of conversation I don't mind coming up but not in a first conversation! And from a relentless texter, "Yea, I like you." Okay, dude you didn't even know me. There was an strong air of desperation oozing from this group, although, unfortunately most times I didn't realize it until I was already out with them.

Last, there were the ones with a lot of potential. The ones who I considered to be on this site for the same reasons I was, good-looking, no obvious hang ups, and actually had a personality I think I'd be attracted to in real life. It didn't work out with any of these guys, partially because I think most of them were just looking to get laid. One actually told me he was on there because his roommate had done it and got a lot of action. "Not that I'm on here for that reason," he quickly followed up with.

Needless to say I got the h off that site quickly and can now say I've done it, it doesn't work for me, and I maintain that living in the real world, enjoying your life is the best way to meet someone.

ode to bad drivers

I felt compelled to write this today when yet another driver on a southern Californian highway (or freeway for those who are native to this state) thought he would change lanes. And that’s all fine and dandy (we all like to change lanes) as long as there isn’t a car next to you when you do it. In this case the car next to him happened to be me. Luckily he realized his mistake and swerved back into his lane. This was a very positive maneuver since my only options at that point were to let myself get sideswiped by him, swerve into the lane on the other side of me, likely sideswiping that car, speeding up only to rear end the car in front of me, or slam on my breaks causing the car behind me to rear end me. Either way if he’d kept going my car was meshing with someone’s and potential flippage (my worst driving fear) would occur. I would love to say this is an isolated incident but I have a near death experience at least several times a week, primarily associated with someone trying to play bumper cars with me without my knowledge. One of my roommates recently commented that this seems to happen to me on such a regular basis that perhaps I emit some kind of car attraction signal.

Besides the infinite amount of peeps who think it’s a swell idea to move into lanes already occupied by 3,000 pounds of metal (I actually have no idea how much a car weighs) I’ll highlight some of my fav bad drivers. In fact, I’ll start with the two in a row I encountered today simply driving down my street. First, there was the dude behind me who decided 6 inches was plenty of space between the end of my car and the beginning of his (And I don’t drive abnormally or even normally slow. Plus the fact that there was a car in front of me, in which I was allowing the standard car length between. And actually I probably should have even been allowing more car lengths based on the driver’s ed principal of car lengths we all learned when we were 16. But in SoCal law that gets divided by pi so I was legal.). Then, he actually had a for real good idea and passed me on the left. But then he lost his mind again because he decided to cut in between me and my regulation one car length (Okay, maybe it was two at this point because otherwise this story wouldn’t work.) only to turn an immediate right. And in response to the shocked look on my face and perhaps a hand thrown up in the air (And no, I did not extend any fingers!) he did extend his middle finger. The shocked look stayed on my face for some time as, not even two blocks down the same road, a man who’d parked his car on the side of the street opened his car door right in front of me and proceeded to step out onto the street. Now, at this moment I was driving abnormally slow, still recovering from the shock of the last guy. And boy, was that lucky for him because if I had been going anywhere near the speed limit he and his door would have been toast.

Another prime example of the cut off was on another major freeway where there had been an accident (surprisingly I don't see more of these). Due to this everyone was driving slow. Most times this inspires other drivers to be more aware and cautious in their driving. Not for Silver Some Kinda Car. This dude proceeded to cross over the double lines of the carpool lane and cut off three different lanes beginning with mine. I'll admit I've become a honker since moving out here. But only if its necessary to let someone know they almost killed half a dozen people. So I definitely blasted it as did the other cars that were cut off. The look on this guy's face was pure confusion. Apparently he didn't realize it helps to have room in front of a car before you get over... and a blinker on.

I don't get it. Far as I know we have traffic laws here. In fact, I know we do since there are required driving tests (not sure who's giving them, though) and I've been pulled over for not obeying some of them. But what really amazes me is the amount of those drivers who try to take me out sideways, frontways, rearways, any way they can and then become pissed off at me for simply reminding them that I'm there (Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm fairly certain the horn was invented so we could remind road hogs that other drivers aren't tooth fairies and that we do in fact exist). These buttheads as a collective group have flipped me off more more than any other group. I've even had a few roll down their windows and threaten bodily harm. Each time I'm baffled as to why they're pissed off at me seeing as they're the ones being completely inconsiderate, illegal, and dangerous. I typically smile and wave. After I lay on the horn.

My favorite butthead car is actually one I encountered on foot. I was running and came up to a crosswalk. I'm not a reckless runner so I keep a pretty good eye out for dangerous situations and noticed a moving vehicle about half a block away. Knowing there was a stop sign I proceeded to enter the crosswalk. This car decided to speed up and attempt to go right through the stop sign and me. If they hadn't slammed on the brakes at the last minute I would've been toast. I froze in horror (probably not the best reaction if I wanted to survive) and all five teenagers in this car started screaming at me in Spanish. I don't know a ton of Spanish but I'm pretty sure they were cussing me out.

While I feel that I was being a very cautious pedestrian I can semi-understand their probably overall frustration with southern Californian pedestrians as I've also noticed that peeps suck at walking. Now, I never knew you could mess up walking but some folks have figured out a way. There seem to be inordinate amount of individuals in this part of the country who think it’s highly intelligent to dart out in front of moving vehicles. And my favorites are the ones who do it at night, dressed in all black or at the very least navy blue, carrying or pushing babies in strollers.

One last note on bad drivers so that we don't all blame it on the Asians, which is the ongoing joke about their ethnicity being the worst drivers. I've even heard this from Asians themselves. Reflecting upon all my experience with bad drivers, it has absolutely nothing to do with a person's ethnicity. The Asians I know who've grown up here (and even some who haven't) are as good of drivers as anyone else I know. Rather it's people from foreign countries in general. This makes a lot of sense because most foreign countries don't have the same driving laws we do. If they have any driving laws at all. This especially makes sense in a location as diverse as southern California, with such a high population of immigrants.

In conclusion, I have no recommendations. Rather this is simply a public service announcement to those brave enough to frequent the southern Californian freeways. Practice defensive driving, never be afraid to lay on the horn, and practice extending that middle finger if necessary. Everyone else is doing it.

individuals who creep me out

Now to be fair to these individuals they aren't anyone I know personally so all I have to judge them on is their public persona. However, I think that might be enough:

Kevin Bacon: If I ran into Kevin Bacon in a dark alley I'd run as fast as I could in the other direction. Hell, if I ran into Kevin Bacon anywhere at anytime I'd probably run as fast I could in the other direction. This probably stems from watching Sleepers and Hollow Man one too many times rather than him actually being a total creeper in real life.

Heidi and Spencer Pratt: I don't really know anything about these two other than parts of two episodes of The Hills I unfortunately watched and some random articles on the internet. However, between her insane plastic surgery and semi-clueless way of speaking and his hard core jerk moves and bad attitude. Still, they've managed to make a fortune out of no talent so I might be missing something here. Or else the U.S. is more f'ed than I ever could've imagined.

Ryan Seacrest: I'm convinced the man's a robot. Which would then technically not make him a man. Does the dude sleep? He has a morning radio show, which if I'm correct would require him to be at work each morning at some crazy hour like 4am. He hosts American Idol. I'm not a fan of the show but it's so popular that can't be a small feat. He does stuff for Entertainment television. What stuff I don't know. I mean, I'm into accomplished peeps because that denotes hard work, commitment, dedication, talent, dreaming big, all great qualities I would want in someone. However, in this case I think he's taken it too far. When I think of him instead of thinking of the above characteristics I think of workaholic, neurotic, attention whore and selfish. And that might not be fair. He might not be any of those. Well, he has to be a workaholic or I don't know how he'd accomplish so much. And it's all in the entertainment industry so I'd venture attention whore isn't way off. Neurotic is simply a bold guess. And selfish would just be because I don't know how he'd have time to maintain any semblence of a close relationship in his life.

anger management

I don't get angry. Not really. I've had several moments but I can probably count them on one hand... maybe two. Sometimes I think that maybe I should. The whole Freudian psychology thing about repression. But so far I haven't experienced any adverse effects from being mostly anger free so maybe I'm repression free. There simply aren't many people or situations that can get me that worked up. The only ones who've ever managed to truly do that are my parents, brother and sister. No one knows quite how to push your buttons like an immediate family member. But for the most part those episodes took place in my childhood. As I grew older I learned to let things roll off my back because they weren't worth the energy. There's still the occaisional frustration due to interactions with these folks I love but anger has certainly been replaced by understanding. The only person outside of my family (and perhaps a member of a competing sports team) who's ever gotten me that worked up was a guy I was dating (and I use this term loosely). One night he randomly went off on me about how he didn't want to get into a relationship and said some really mean things (inebriated). Now this was a guy I never saw myself getting into a relationship with so certainly hadn't mentioned such a thing in any shape or form but he wouldn't listen to me. I was angry for about a week over his meanness but once I chilled out I realized how much that had hurt me and don't think I've been angry since.

The reason I'm thinking about anger is due to an incident at the grocery store last night. The grocery store was having momentary problems with some of their cash registers. This resulted in long lines of people waiting to eventually check out. For most of us this wasn't a big deal. Everything can't always go smoothly. I used the time to catch up on text messages and glance at magazines I would never buy in real life. One man didn't see things in quite the same way and went off on any employee in the vicinity. He was irate that one line had been redirected to another line with a now operating cash register but his hadn't (I was also standing in the same line). Now I understand how that could be frustrating; however, the woman behind him and I simply stepped over to a line with a working cash register. So we had to wait a couple extra minutes. In the grand scheme of things that isn't a big deal. Waiting hours for your blood pressure to go down (particularly for someone a little older) seemed like a much bigger deal to me. He continued to yell at the clerks and managers who came to see what was going on. He poked his finger in the face of the sweet young manager who came over trying to help. Everyone else in these long lines were looking at him like he was loco.

I mostly felt sorry for him. People who get that worked up about the little stuff cannot have happy lives. And research (look up the stats) shows that they live shorter and less healthy lives. I have yet to encounter anything or anyone to get angry over that's worth that. Yet, you see this fairly often. People ranting and raving over seemingly nothing. And they do it in public. That's the scariest part. Because if they act like that in public, I can't imagine how they must act in the privacy of their own home. Now I understand that people'll get angry on occaision (as I've done so myself) but I try to avoid being around anyone who's that way on any sort of regular basis. You never know how short a fuse they have and I don't want to be at any end of it.



Dude at the grocery store needs this

quiet people

Okay, there's a third group of people I have difficulty trusting. And I can't believe I forgot about them for a minute. These are quiet people. I wouldn't say I'm prejudiced against them like I am against boring people. Because quiet people can be interesting once they warm up. However, for the most part I don't know what to do with them. And I fear they're secretly plotting to overthrow me. You never know what's going on in their heads. The quiet ones always seem to be the ones who do the craziest things, like blow up buildings, go on shooting rampages, and take hostages. All in order to get attention (I assume). I can understand wanting attention. Who doesn't? But if you never speak it's really hard for anyone to pay attention to you.

My sister was a quiet child and still is. Whereas both my brother and I are big mouths (probably myself more so). Yet she was the only one of us to punch a hole in the stairway wall and kick one in the screen door. This is likely where I first established my theory on quiet people. But I'm not against quiet people overall. Everyone has their quiet moments. It's just those who are always quiet that concern me. And so I tend to avoid them as I'm quite happy not being alive and not held hostage.


With quiet sis (whose quietness no longer concerns me) & some others in the fam

he who cannot be named (in the bathroom)

He who cannot be named likes to talk on the phone in the bathroom. And not the bathroom of his residence. But the bathroom at his place of employment. Possibly also the bathrooms of restaurants, gas stations, bars, who knows how far reaching this might be. Alone this isn't a problem. I'm not gonna lie. I've done it too. But in the privacy of my own home. To my immediate family members who I've had numerous between door conversations while on the toilet when we're in the same location. There's a difference between that and doing it at work. The difference is called professionalism. He literally takes care of business while taking care of business.