weddings

I went to a wedding this weekend. In a professional baseball stadium. Not sure which is cooler. On one hand I really enjoy weddings for the hope they represent. On the other hand I really love baseball stadiums. I suppose for the same reason. I hadn't been to a wedding in years (despite having a large family and number of friends few seem to be tying the knot) so it made me think a little. About people. And weddings. And marriage. And how sometimes even though those things are supposed to go hand in hand that's not always the case.

I didn't know until I went to college that a lot of little girls had their weddings planned out by their late teens (the lessons of college that really stick were rarely learned in class). Well before they should be thinking about marriage. Well before there's a groom (in most cases). I had roommates who'd religiously watch a show on TV called The Wedding Story. I'll admit I got roped into viewing it a couple of times and it was cute but not cute enough that I would give up watching SportsCenter for the fifth time in one day (Probably the reason my roommates blocked all the sports channel on our TV my senior year.)

I mean it's good to know what you want but shouldn't the wedding part be secondary anyway? (As a sidenote this isn't directed at any of those roommates since I know the actual marriage is more of a priority for them than the wedding.) I mean, I can see why people would want a wedding. I'm down for any kind of party (particularly one with an open bar) so I could easily hop on that train; however, that, the proposal, the honeymoon, all that should be the icing on the cake compared to marrying your best friend, lover, and hopefully soulmate.

I've always been kind of on the fence about marriage (or at least since I realized I was old enough to do such a thing). My parents weren't legally married until I was in high school. I mostly see it as a manmade institution designed to preserve a religious tradition that was likely introduced to restrict women (I don't actually know if this is the case but it seems that in most countries marriage does restrict women.). I think if you're with the right person who has the same beliefs, morals, and values as you and you both decide you want to spend the rest of your life together you don't necessarily need a religious or legal document to prove that. Corny as it sounds the love in your hearts should be enough. 'Course I do really like cake...

That being said what I seriously like about marriage is the public declaration of your love and devotion to one another and the enlistment of your other loved ones in supporting that. One person can never be another person's all. And so having a solid support system around you who believe in what you believe in can only make a union stronger. Not to mention the added tax benefits!

Therefore, it makes me sad to see people who seem to be getting married solely for the wedding or because they think that's what they should be doing at that point in their lives or their relationships. The ones whose first words out of their mouths are, "Check out this ring," rather than, "I can't wait to vow to spend the rest of my life with this person." I don't know if I've ever actually seen this in real life but I've heard and read about it and even at happy weddings (not that I've ever been to a sad one) I can't help but think, "Are they doing this because they truly want to spend the rest of their lives together or because of societal pressures?"

There's an amazingly awful show called Bridezillas on some channel on cable that I've witnessed a couple times. And it was like a bad train wreck. The brides were so horrible I had to keep watching because it was so unbelievable. These are certainly the extreme example but there are certainly a lot more hidden ones out there (and probably groomzillas as well but showing that would demolish the gender steretypes a lot of TV has worked so hard at preserving). I suppose it's good to have that contrast, though as it's a reminder to me that if I choose to get married that it will only be if I have thoughts along the lines of, "I can't wait to wake up next to this person every morning even with all their stanky breath" rather than, "If it rains on my wedding day it's all going to be ruined!" 'Course if I get married my first plan will be to have the wedding somewhere it never really rains. Like my backyard.

online dating

I'm not currently online dating nor will I ever do it again. But I'm not ashamed to admit I've tried it. Mostly because I believe in the ol' don't knock it 'til you've tried it adage. But partly because I thought, why not see how else I can meet guys aside from the assistance of a shot glass and bartenders or running down the street (story for another time). It was this short lived experience that I've realized online dating is not the way to go. At least for me. And I don't think for most others either. No matter how many times Eharmony claims they have a great marriage success rate. Well, you combine enough desparate twosomes a decent amount will probably get married.

Okay, so maybe it isn't fair to classify all online daters as being desparate since I certainly wasn't desparate when I tried it (that's what I keep telling myself) but there are definite distinctine groups of men on these sites (or at least the one I ventured onto). The largest batch of guys I nicknamed the "no way in hell" guys. Obviously they weren't anyone I would have even considered dating and if they’d read my profile with the slightest bit of common sense they'd have realized that and never messaged me. In their defense, I recognize there might be a small amount of egocentrism on my part. They could have genuinely thought I’d be interested in them. But I wasn't. So those are the guys I didn't respond to. At first I felt bad because I thought, if they have enough courage to message me at all they deserve some kind of response. But after getting an obnoxiously large number of these I realized I didn't have time for all that (I had a real man to find on that site after all!). The reasons they weren't guys I would date were as varied as the guys themselves. Some I would have never been physically attracted to even with Will Farrell’s personality. Some had opening lines and/or profile descriptions that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to come up with even if it was my intention to turn off every single person in the world. My favorites were (and yes, I wrote them down; they were that good): “I have less than nine percent body fat,” (Is that 8.2 or 8.76 percent then? And does anyone really care the exact body fat percentage of anyone?) and, “You aren't dreaming. I AM real. I know what you are saying. "He's perfect. It's too good to be true." (I'm hoping he meant that as a joke but I’m still counting it). Then there were the guys who despite my insistence that I am not on there for an intimate encounter, still thought I would bone them immediately (And none of these guys resembled Brad Pitt in case you were wondering.). And last, there were the dudes who posted all these shirtless, muscle pictures. Like the Shania Twain song, that don’t impress me much.

That summarizes the guys who I didn't respond to. Next come the guys who seemed cool at first. They're at least fairly attractive, appear to be normal, there's nothing necessarily jumping off the page but maybe they aren't very adept at advertising themselves. Fair enough. I still gave them a shot. Then, as soon as I'd agree to a date and gave out my number they'd text me like it was their job. One dude I agreed to go out with on a Friday called me and he seemed nice enough at first but then he made several comments during the conversation involving how he thought our first date should include a hot tub in his apartment complex. I said, how bout we meet somewhere for dinner not at your apartment since I don't even know you (word for word)? And then there was the one who mentioned an ex-girlfriend and a couple girls he'd met on the website, which are topics of conversation I don't mind coming up but not in a first conversation! And from a relentless texter, "Yea, I like you." Okay, dude you didn't even know me. There was an strong air of desperation oozing from this group, although, unfortunately most times I didn't realize it until I was already out with them.

Last, there were the ones with a lot of potential. The ones who I considered to be on this site for the same reasons I was, good-looking, no obvious hang ups, and actually had a personality I think I'd be attracted to in real life. It didn't work out with any of these guys, partially because I think most of them were just looking to get laid. One actually told me he was on there because his roommate had done it and got a lot of action. "Not that I'm on here for that reason," he quickly followed up with.

Needless to say I got the h off that site quickly and can now say I've done it, it doesn't work for me, and I maintain that living in the real world, enjoying your life is the best way to meet someone.