online dating

I'm not currently online dating nor will I ever do it again. But I'm not ashamed to admit I've tried it. Mostly because I believe in the ol' don't knock it 'til you've tried it adage. But partly because I thought, why not see how else I can meet guys aside from the assistance of a shot glass and bartenders or running down the street (story for another time). It was this short lived experience that I've realized online dating is not the way to go. At least for me. And I don't think for most others either. No matter how many times Eharmony claims they have a great marriage success rate. Well, you combine enough desparate twosomes a decent amount will probably get married.

Okay, so maybe it isn't fair to classify all online daters as being desparate since I certainly wasn't desparate when I tried it (that's what I keep telling myself) but there are definite distinctine groups of men on these sites (or at least the one I ventured onto). The largest batch of guys I nicknamed the "no way in hell" guys. Obviously they weren't anyone I would have even considered dating and if they’d read my profile with the slightest bit of common sense they'd have realized that and never messaged me. In their defense, I recognize there might be a small amount of egocentrism on my part. They could have genuinely thought I’d be interested in them. But I wasn't. So those are the guys I didn't respond to. At first I felt bad because I thought, if they have enough courage to message me at all they deserve some kind of response. But after getting an obnoxiously large number of these I realized I didn't have time for all that (I had a real man to find on that site after all!). The reasons they weren't guys I would date were as varied as the guys themselves. Some I would have never been physically attracted to even with Will Farrell’s personality. Some had opening lines and/or profile descriptions that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to come up with even if it was my intention to turn off every single person in the world. My favorites were (and yes, I wrote them down; they were that good): “I have less than nine percent body fat,” (Is that 8.2 or 8.76 percent then? And does anyone really care the exact body fat percentage of anyone?) and, “You aren't dreaming. I AM real. I know what you are saying. "He's perfect. It's too good to be true." (I'm hoping he meant that as a joke but I’m still counting it). Then there were the guys who despite my insistence that I am not on there for an intimate encounter, still thought I would bone them immediately (And none of these guys resembled Brad Pitt in case you were wondering.). And last, there were the dudes who posted all these shirtless, muscle pictures. Like the Shania Twain song, that don’t impress me much.

That summarizes the guys who I didn't respond to. Next come the guys who seemed cool at first. They're at least fairly attractive, appear to be normal, there's nothing necessarily jumping off the page but maybe they aren't very adept at advertising themselves. Fair enough. I still gave them a shot. Then, as soon as I'd agree to a date and gave out my number they'd text me like it was their job. One dude I agreed to go out with on a Friday called me and he seemed nice enough at first but then he made several comments during the conversation involving how he thought our first date should include a hot tub in his apartment complex. I said, how bout we meet somewhere for dinner not at your apartment since I don't even know you (word for word)? And then there was the one who mentioned an ex-girlfriend and a couple girls he'd met on the website, which are topics of conversation I don't mind coming up but not in a first conversation! And from a relentless texter, "Yea, I like you." Okay, dude you didn't even know me. There was an strong air of desperation oozing from this group, although, unfortunately most times I didn't realize it until I was already out with them.

Last, there were the ones with a lot of potential. The ones who I considered to be on this site for the same reasons I was, good-looking, no obvious hang ups, and actually had a personality I think I'd be attracted to in real life. It didn't work out with any of these guys, partially because I think most of them were just looking to get laid. One actually told me he was on there because his roommate had done it and got a lot of action. "Not that I'm on here for that reason," he quickly followed up with.

Needless to say I got the h off that site quickly and can now say I've done it, it doesn't work for me, and I maintain that living in the real world, enjoying your life is the best way to meet someone.