weddings

I went to a wedding this weekend. In a professional baseball stadium. Not sure which is cooler. On one hand I really enjoy weddings for the hope they represent. On the other hand I really love baseball stadiums. I suppose for the same reason. I hadn't been to a wedding in years (despite having a large family and number of friends few seem to be tying the knot) so it made me think a little. About people. And weddings. And marriage. And how sometimes even though those things are supposed to go hand in hand that's not always the case.

I didn't know until I went to college that a lot of little girls had their weddings planned out by their late teens (the lessons of college that really stick were rarely learned in class). Well before they should be thinking about marriage. Well before there's a groom (in most cases). I had roommates who'd religiously watch a show on TV called The Wedding Story. I'll admit I got roped into viewing it a couple of times and it was cute but not cute enough that I would give up watching SportsCenter for the fifth time in one day (Probably the reason my roommates blocked all the sports channel on our TV my senior year.)

I mean it's good to know what you want but shouldn't the wedding part be secondary anyway? (As a sidenote this isn't directed at any of those roommates since I know the actual marriage is more of a priority for them than the wedding.) I mean, I can see why people would want a wedding. I'm down for any kind of party (particularly one with an open bar) so I could easily hop on that train; however, that, the proposal, the honeymoon, all that should be the icing on the cake compared to marrying your best friend, lover, and hopefully soulmate.

I've always been kind of on the fence about marriage (or at least since I realized I was old enough to do such a thing). My parents weren't legally married until I was in high school. I mostly see it as a manmade institution designed to preserve a religious tradition that was likely introduced to restrict women (I don't actually know if this is the case but it seems that in most countries marriage does restrict women.). I think if you're with the right person who has the same beliefs, morals, and values as you and you both decide you want to spend the rest of your life together you don't necessarily need a religious or legal document to prove that. Corny as it sounds the love in your hearts should be enough. 'Course I do really like cake...

That being said what I seriously like about marriage is the public declaration of your love and devotion to one another and the enlistment of your other loved ones in supporting that. One person can never be another person's all. And so having a solid support system around you who believe in what you believe in can only make a union stronger. Not to mention the added tax benefits!

Therefore, it makes me sad to see people who seem to be getting married solely for the wedding or because they think that's what they should be doing at that point in their lives or their relationships. The ones whose first words out of their mouths are, "Check out this ring," rather than, "I can't wait to vow to spend the rest of my life with this person." I don't know if I've ever actually seen this in real life but I've heard and read about it and even at happy weddings (not that I've ever been to a sad one) I can't help but think, "Are they doing this because they truly want to spend the rest of their lives together or because of societal pressures?"

There's an amazingly awful show called Bridezillas on some channel on cable that I've witnessed a couple times. And it was like a bad train wreck. The brides were so horrible I had to keep watching because it was so unbelievable. These are certainly the extreme example but there are certainly a lot more hidden ones out there (and probably groomzillas as well but showing that would demolish the gender steretypes a lot of TV has worked so hard at preserving). I suppose it's good to have that contrast, though as it's a reminder to me that if I choose to get married that it will only be if I have thoughts along the lines of, "I can't wait to wake up next to this person every morning even with all their stanky breath" rather than, "If it rains on my wedding day it's all going to be ruined!" 'Course if I get married my first plan will be to have the wedding somewhere it never really rains. Like my backyard.