peeps i don't trust at all

I would've ranked those who refuse to ever consume alcohol as first place on this list; however, I understand that there are some with religious views (although I don't understand why anyone would want to be a part of a religion that restricts you in any way as I see that to be thought control rather than a spiritual experience but we can leave that topic alone for now) as well as allergies and alcoholism. So as long as they can still have fun without liquid courage we'll leave them off the list. And really if you can genuinely manage to have and be a good time sober I probably wouldn't even know you aren't drinking

But for those who don't have a good excuse I don't trust them at all. This might stem from an ex-boyfriend who gave up drinking shortly after we started dating. It started out as a good thing since he spent what was technically our first date puking in the bathroom of the movies after spending the earlier part of the day at a fraternity alumni event. But I'm pretty sure it was also the beginning of the demise of our relationship (well, that and I kicked his ass while training for a marathon and I don't think his male ego handled it so well).

It isn't that I'm a raging alcoholic and/or need alcohol to have a good time. I have loads of fun sober (even in a bar) and am famous for giving up drinking for several months in a row just because I can. I've been known to dominate the karaoke stage without so much of even a hint of cough syrup in my system and usually start the dance party before I've even had a taste of a beer. The problem I have with these people is probably not even so much about the consumption of alcohol as it is the two groups of people who typically engage in such behavior. As a precursor I will be stereotyping-which, yes, does make me a most disliked hypocrite-but in my defense, I'm open to getting to know non-drinkers first (and I do get to know most people without alcoholic beverages involved) and we can be friends if they don't fall into these stereotypes.

The first are the control freaks. These people cannot relinguish control no matter the circumstances. They host a party and then spend the entire night making sure there's plenty of food and drinks for everyone else, have you remove your shoes before officially entering their humble abode, freak out if anything's spilled (for future reference, car cleaning stuff gets anything out of carpet and hard wood floors can be easily mopped) and usually end up yelling at someone (typically a significant other even if he/she was an innocent bystander) before the night's over (as opposed to those who shall remain nameless and barely remember who's there and sometimes can't even locate their own bedroom and wind up on the couch with their underwear hanging out... if they're lucky). These are the people you want to prescribe alcohol. And actually cause you to drink significantly out of sheer anxiety simply from being in their vicinity.

The next group are the goody-two shoes who think they're better than everyone else (simply because they don't drink). They're typically female and agree to go to a bar because everyone else they know is there but then spend the entire time looking down on every patron. God forbid a slightly inebriated boy approaches them because he's likely to get a new one ripped. They make you feel guilty for even having a drink... or two or three. And never, ever take a shot in front of them. They tend to feel like not drinking is a super hero power, which I suppose if you can just say no for your entire life it is.

Now what I don't understand about these people is why it's necessary to give up the sauce forever? Can't you just say, you know I don't feel like drinking right now but who knows, maybe at some point in the future (say Friday) I will and if so, I'll enjoy my glass of wine? Saying you're never going to do something opens up an entire can of worms you really don't want to deal with whereas if you leave all possibilities on the table, at least for future discussion you'll never end up with any regrets.

One last note on people who consciously choose not to drink that I couldn't figure out how to fit in elsewhere. These are the same people who host sober weddings, which to me is a version of hell I'm trying to avoid. I mean, who wants to be completely sober while saying "I do"?! And if you plan on having a DJ and a dance floor and expect your guests to cut a rug on it, alcohol isn't even a suggestion, it's a necessity (Except for me who'll be out there anyway but I can only dance so many songs by myself before I get bored.). Except of course if you met in AA. In which case if you fall into that category I will totally support your case for not drinking. This post is about those who don't fall into categories where alcohol is a danger to their lives.

I didn't mean to go off on for as long as I did on the group of people I trust the second least because there is a group that I trust even less and those are the people who don't like cheese. I can understand if you're lactose intolerant or have a dairy allergy (Again, if consuming any of these items threatens your life and overall satisfaction with it you don't fall into any of these categories.). I can also understand cutting back some if you don't want a ton of extra fat in your life (okay, I really can't understand that either but I'm trying) but for those who legitimately don't enjoy the tasty goodness that is curds and whey I'm positive ya'll are conspring to off me in my sleep. Also, let me add to this group in saying I also don't trust people who don't like the following foods: pizza and burritos. And even though this is my number one group of people to distrust I don't have much more to comment on other than I really want to invite you over for some extra cheesy pizza... and beer.